And as they entered into the casino, HEART was overwhelmed by all the colors and sounds and with a big smile was off like a dog pursuing a scent. MIND had to grab HEART and tell her to be more practical, that she could get swallowed up in all this madness and get lost and become afraid. HEART nodded and put on her best serious face but inside she was ready to burst.
They sat down at the roulette table and MIND handed HEART $50 worth of chips and said, “This is for you to bet with. Don’t spend too much at a time so that you can extend your playing time.” MIND put $2 on black and HEART held onto her money, looking at all the pretty colors and numbers on the felt, not sure where she wanted to place her chips.
When the man who spins the wheel called out, “Last chance to place your bets!” HEART put all $50 worth of her chips on Red. MIND’S mouth dropped open and before he could tell her that this was madness and completely illogical, the wheel was in spin. MIND shook his head, thinking it incomprehensible that HEART didn’t have the sense to make a more rational bet.
When the little white ball was slowing down, HEART’s mouth was open in a big smile. MIND’s mouth was closed and his eyes looked very serious. “12 Red!” exclaimed the spinner and HEART jumped up and down. “I won! I won!” She turned to the man next to her and said, “This was my first bet ever and I won!” “What was your strategy?” the man asked playfully and HEART was too jubilant to fully understand. “Strategy? I just put it all on red! All on red! 12 Red is red! I won!”
MIND grabbed HEART’s arm and pulled her back into her seat, as she was starting to cause a scene over a mere $50. “I mean, it’s not like she won the $7 million slots or anything,” he thought to himself. He scolded her, “I told you not to bet the whole thing at once but to spread it out.”
“But I won!” responded HEART, not knowing why he wasn’t also jumping up and down with her. HEART stilled suddenly. “I’m sorry. Is it because you lost your $2 that you’re not smiling?”
“I don’t care about the damn $2!” MIND snapped. “Let’s just play again, shall we?”
MIND, determined to make his money back, this time placed $4 on black. HEART again looked around, like a kid in a candy store. “So many possibilities,” she thought. “Where would my chips most like to sit?”
“Final bets!” called the spinner and HEART placed her $100 stack of chips on red. “What the hell are you doing?” shouted MIND. “Go red!” bellowed HEART, her enthusiasm not dimming. And as the wheel spun around and HEART jumped to her feet, unable to sit still as she bubbled over with enthusiasm, MIND stared intensely at the spinning wheel. It seemed he more wanted HEART to lose than for MIND to win.
“33 Black,” announced the spinner and MIND exclaimed, “Yes!” He collected his chips and turned to HEART, whose big mound of chips had been swept away by the spinner. “You see, this time you lost. And now you have no more chips to play with.”
“Give me some more, I want to play again!” said HEART but after a little lecture from MIND that HEART didn’t hear, she was forced to sit and spend the next few spins watching as MIND placed his bets. Each time he won HEART jumped out of her chair in excitement. “Yes! We won!” each time he lost she looked as if she were having just as much fun, but would look at his frustrated face and hold back her excitement. He had hoped to teach her a lesson by not letting her to bet but he saw that when HEART was set on expressing herself there was no hope in trying to contain her and so, for the moment, MIND gave in to HEART.
“Do you want to play some more?” asked MIND to HEART.
“Yes, yes!” HEART said. MIND tried to retain some control over HEART, as he metered out only $20 for her to play with for the rest of the night, but was more generous in sharing his logic.
“Just play a little more responsibly this time. Not all at once,” warned MIND. HEART nodded seriously, as this is what MIND seemed to want. But when last call was made for bets, HEART excitedly put it all on 16 Red this time. “God damn it! What do you think–”
“And we’re live!” shouted the spinner as he put the ball into motion. HEART was racing up and down the side of the table, feeling like she was ready to burst. “20 Black,” announced the spinner.
“There! That is exactly what I warned you against. Now you can watch me for the rest of the hour gamble,” said MIND. But what MIND was doing didn’t didn’t seem like much of a gamble to HEART, he was risking very little with each bet; it didn’t seem like he was even enjoying playing.
After about 40-minutes, often involving MIND having to calm HEART down, who got just as excited, despite having no chips on the table. MIND had lost $70. HEART blurted out in glee, “We both lost the same amount!”
MIND snapped back, “But I was able to play for about an hour and you were done in 5-minutes.” Seeing that his rationale didn’t seem to make an impact on HEART’s expression, he gave up and said, “Let’s just get something to eat.” It didn’t seem to register to HEART that his strategy was any better than hers. They had both arrived at the same end but she was ready to burst with excitement and he was ready to burst from tension. But as quickly as that thought came, it disappeared just as fast, for HEART was looking delightedly towards the places where they could get food.
When the food arrived, MIND was complaining to HEART that “This is overcooked” and “This is soggy” but HEART didn’t seem to mind the overcooking or sogginess of her food; she ate it all as if she were a queen and this was a royal banquet specially prepared for her.
After their meal, MIND wanted to go to their room and watch some television but HEART said, “You do that every night at home. Let’s walk on the boardwalk and watch the sunset!” MIND reluctantly agreed and practically had his arm pulled out of its socket as HEART grabbed him and raced to the boardwalk.
“Look at the sunset. It is so beautiful…the oranges and reds and pinks…as if the sky is God’s roulette table and he’s allowing us to share in the game!” said HEART.
MIND said, “We don’t have chips to play in his game,” and without missing a beat, HEART said to him, “You don’t need chips to play, silly. Everyone can play!” She threw off her shirt and started running towards the water in ecstasy.
“Jesus!” cried MIND, as he chased after her. HEART jumped into the water, her hands raised up to God’s roulette game and shouting, “I won! I won!” MIND pulled her from the water, telling her that besides being totally out of her head, her action was potentially dangerous, that there could have been an undertoe and she could have drowned. Her smile didn’t seem to wane as he draped her shirt over her and led her to their room.
As they went to bed, MIND gave HEART a little kiss on the cheek and said, “Goodnight.” HEART jumped on top of MIND and said, “No, it is a great night!” She lay back down on her back and the next thing she knew, it was morning and her cheeks were a little sore from the smile that never left her face, even in her dreaming.
Another day to play. Another day to risk it all. She knew no other way. And her smile never waned.
“Doubts grow in the mind just like leaves grow on the trees. You have to put a full stop to your doubting mind, and immediately your trusting heart takes charge…mind is doubt…imagination, thinking, hallucination. Heart is only love…Hence, the mind has to be completely dropped; only then does your heart, for the first time, start functioning in its totality.”
–Osho, February 13, 1987, 8 a.m.
REFLECTION:
It is a new year, 2009. Who do you want to run your life this year, HEART or MIND? Allow yourself to risk it all–bet it all on red–for HEART is not a miser and cannot be contained in the jar of MIND’s careful plans.
MEDITATION:
Imagine HEART waking up tomorrow, as MIND remains asleep. Imagine HEART’s joy as you excitedly go through your day.