…..Nelson Mandela Mother Teresa
…..The Dalai Lama Barack Obama
.
I sat down with a king size bucket of baby oil and rubbed my body down as I fantasized about world peace…
…Where Arabs and Jews would dance the Hora, where gays and straights would suck face and where fascist governments would not call themselves “Democracies.” After I blew my wad, I was surprised to see that an envelope had been slid under my door. Thinking it from my neighbor, telling me to shut the hell up during orgasm, I was pleasantly surprised when I opened it up and, lo and behold it said:
THE NOBEL COMMITTEE IS PROUD TO PRESENT YOU WITH THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PEACE!
I didn’t know how I was going to spend the million-dollar prize money. Maybe I’d buy an iPod. I already have two but, as we all know and live by the doctrine, “He who dies with the most toys wins,” I was thinking a couple of dozen more could be in order, as walking around with 10,000 songs available at the touch of a button has no longer become a luxury but a basic need. Maybe I’d stop buying those skanky 8th Avenue hookers, who don’t seem to realize that when the lipstick travels off the lips and halfway up the cheek that you less resemble a contestant on “America’s Next Top Model” and look a lot more like “The Joker” from Batman, and treat myself to a couple of dozen high-priced escorts from the Emperor’s Club a la Elliot Spitzer; only, unlike Spitzer, I wouldn’t pay for the one pig in the bunch. Or maybe I’d fly to all the nations of the world where people are starving and hand out $100 bills and laugh as the hungry children try to eat them…
And then I really blew my load.
This had to be the same thing that Obama The Kenyan went through after finding out that he had been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, even the most devout Obamanoid had to have thought, “Well, it may be a bit soon for him to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.” My bad, the cult of Obamanoids doesn’t think period. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-_zCaMHoLU]
My brother was so into Obama that not only did his constant singing of the praises of Obama annoy me to no end but it caused some marital strife for him as well. One night during his once a season lovemaking session that his wife gracefully grants him, during orgasm he shouted out, “OH-BAMA!” Needless to say, he slept on the couch that night.
I thought at least his Obama worship would lessen his visits to Internet porn in order to get some satisfaction when he tired of his wife’s idea of foreplay, which consists of nagging him with sweet nothings like, “Did you pick up any almond milk like I asked you to?” for with foreplay like that, your solid carrot quickly becomes a limp noodle. But while his visits to redtube.com did lessen significantly, he is now going to obamaisgod.com where he rubs one off to his Lord and Savior, Obama the Kenyan, at least bi-nightly.
Nancy Gibbs wrote in her October 9, 2009 Time Magazine article online entitled The Last Thing Obama Needs Is The Nobel Peace Prize [http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20091009/us_time/08599192939500] called Obama’s award “a prize for a promise.” If we’ve learned anything from Presidential history—George Bush, Sr.: “Read my lips—no new taxes!”, Bill Clinton: “I did not have sexual relations with that girl.” George Bush, Jr.: Anytime he opened his mouth other than to suck off one of the male prostitutes who came to the White House [see purple box at http://www.newyorkslime.com/gannon.html]or one of the elites at the Bohemian Grove—whenever a President makes a good promise, he rarely makes good on that promise.
The one point where I strongly disagree with Ms. Gibbs is when she wrote, “By now there are surely more callouses on his lips than his hands.” A swimming pool full of baby oil couldn’t prevent all that jerk-off time in the White House from causing some callouses.
When Al “Manpigbear” Gore [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf69EEL3WBk], won the Nobel Prize for making and promoting the ideas in his An Inconvenient Truth, a film the equivalent of Mel Gibson’s snuff film The Passion of the Christ—appealing to people’s emotions while being manipulative to obscure their intellect—The Nobel Committee seemed to ignore that thousands of well-respected scientists didn’t think that humans were primarily responsible for global warming—many whom have showed that the earth is actually now in a cycle of global cooling. The United Nations “environmental” committee made up mostly of non-scientists even put these people on a list of supporters on Al Gore’s hunt for the legendary fantasy creature manbearpig, saying that they were supportive of this tragedy of science!
The Weather Channel creator, John Coleman, called Global warming the “greatest scam in history.” He shows charts of the sun’s cycles of heating and cooling and these charts are almost identical with the warming and cooling cycles of the earth. His conclusion is that the sun is much more responsible for weather pattern changes on the planet than your can of hairspray.
But if you question this gospel, as I have done to countless well-intentioned but ignorant “environmentalists” holding their clipboards on the street and asking donations so that you can throw your money into their emotional fire with no scientific cooling retardant to put out their retardation, they will mock you as being stupid and in denial of a reality that “everyone knows to be true”—when many in the scientific community don’t “know” this to be the case at all.
Even Al Gore’s “science” in his An Inconvenient Truth, regarding an increase in CO2 emissions leading to global warming through a study of history based on ice core samples was said to be incorrect science by real scientists and not propagandists, but Al Gore has refused to debate anyone who challenges his non-science. [See the quick dismissal of a reporter at http://www.prisonplanet.com/man-has-microphone-cut-off-after-asking-gore-about-errors-in-film.html but more importantly, his critique of his fellow environmental reporters.]
Even a simpleton like myself thought regarding the “Gorey” award, “Before giving someone a million dollars for something, shouldn’t the committee have at least checked the science from both sides?” But most people are apparently even more simple than me and don’t even think that much—such as the Obamanoids.
But the Nobel Prize Committee did not question this because, like in most business, there is an agenda. The agenda, as was written by the NWO globalists in the 60s, is to use the environment as a crisis that people can rally behind to manipulate the people into throwing their allegiance into a world government control of their sheepish selves because they’re too stupid and selfish to control their energy use themselves without Al Gore making a personal profit by selling them “energy credits” from the armchair of his own monopolized company and the government enforcing which light bulbs you can use—with no regard to what toxic chemicals may be leaking from them and poisoning you and your family in the process.
Think about this as a business strategy: I create the widget that automatically zips up a man’s fly after he takes a piss and then I use my government influence and connections to enforce—due to cry for “decency”—that every company that makes pants has to buy and use my Fly-Lifters. Sounds like a good business model, huh? And you thought that manipulation was only possible in corporate America through whoring politicians, whoring owners of the mainstream media and a whoring Paula Abdul on “American Idol.”
So joining Nelson Mandela, a man who devoted his whole life—and spent decades in jail because of it—to ending Apartheid in South Africa and Mother Teresa, who devoted her life to helping the sick and dying not only through organizations but by getting her hands dirty and the Dalai Lama, who has been in exile for 50 years because of his championing the message of the independence of the Tibetan people as well as love and compassion—is Barack Hussein Obama, a man who excels at speaking political rhetoric and hasn’t really shown himself to do anything of substance as President yet.
Most don’t even realize that he was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize after 12 days in office, where he had even done less than the “Nobel” tasks of throwing money at corrupt banks and supporting troops in kill and die in Afghanistan. Funny how out of the small list of people I listed who were awarded the “peace” prize that he is the only one who advocates “war.” Of course I will be dismissed by Obamanoids for even making such a statement as a racist and not someone who just still has capacity to use his mind and think for himself.
While we’re at it, why not cancel the Olympics altogether and just award the gold medal to the people who some corrupted committee thinks has “the most potential”? As it stands now, potential means nothing in the Olympics—it’s about performance (and not having the Russian judge screw you with a bad score!) If you don’t perform on the day of the event, you don’t medal.
I’m not sure when Alfred Nobel wrote in his will that he would like to see the award go:
“…to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity among nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses”
that he ever envisioned it being awarded to a manipulative liar like Al Gore or a terrorist like Yasser Arafat or a do-nothing Kenyan like Barak Hussein Obama.
The refractory period was over and I was able to get another erection. I pulled out my tub of baby oil and started at it again. This time I was not fighting overseas in defense of our country’s principles of freedom, but I was giving a speech about how I would fight for such a “Nobel” cause. I even postulated how I might be injured in such a case. I was awarded the Purple Heart for my valor of imagination.