Enlightening Nonsense

I welcome you to my blog but I will be just as happy to see you go if you are a sleepwalker seeking more sleeping pills to knock you deeper into unconsciousness. I will poke you, I will prod you, everytime your head starts to nod I will come up to you and rap the top of your head with a rolled up piece of paper (just had a non-LSD flashback to what by today’s standards would be called Assault from my “Theory and Criticism of Modern Drama” class in college. In my defense, I wasn’t asleep I was just, uh, resting my eyes!)

My style is not for everyone. If I were selling myself to the Hollywood studios I would bill me as “South Park” meets Jesus, as I have the tasteless comedic genius of “South Park” and the long hair of Jesus. There are two types of people in the world: those that find “South Park” funny and those that have no sense of humor. If you are in the latter group, you will probably not be able to see through your unfunny-colored glasses and will miss some of the pearls of wisdom that lies among all the piles of dung that I lay out for the stepping.

Jesus said, “Don’t throw pearls to swine.” I throw my pearls everywhere, if for no other reason than that pearls were so 1990′s and the fashion police have warned me that they don’t go with my cardigan sweater/ascot combination. I suspect that most of the swine have been eating trash for so long that they wouldn’t recognize a pearl if it hit them in the eye. Regardless, I’m going for the eye, for as Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye and the whole world loses their depth perception.”

This blog will cover ideas on:

-Yoga – practical philosophy to wake up and how many use yoga as just another sleeping aid.

-Health & Fitness – Contrary to what the news may report, mercury in your vaccines doesn’t make you healthier (of course you think I’m making this news report up–do your own research!) I have experience and degrees in holistic medicine and exercise science. I guess you could call it “Alternative” if you consider modern medicine’s “poison, slash and burn” policy as something on the table–the operating table (and only if you have health insurance, of course, otherwise you’ll be waiting in line for hours behind the crack addict with the hangnail.)

-Conditioning – Not in the fitness sense but in the brainwashing sense. If you want freedom, you have to break free from your own conditioning. As Alcoholics Anonymous says, “Recognizing the problem is the first step.” Of course they go on to say that you have to Crazy Glue your “ALCOHOLIC” label to your forehead for the rest of your life, as if walking around with an imposed-upon dunce cap for the rest of your life is somehow empowering.

-Dogs – Not meaning “men” as some as you femi-Nazis would have us believe, but real four-legged, furry dogs. I have experience with dogs, an enlightened dog companion, and they have many lessons to teach us. And they’re just so darn cute! One of the hats I wear is that of a dog trainer, so I may include some ideas on dog training (more accurately on “people training.”) Another hat I wear is the fiery red hat of a pimp, but only when I am trying to keep my beeyotches in line.

-The New World Order (NWO) – These are dogs of another sort, the kind that hide in the shadows and manipulate through money, power and their tool of choice–fear. They are scum and using this term to describe them is an insult to the algaeic substance that forms on the top of stagnant lakes. I’m not talking about the subgroup of the professional wrestling federation, to whom any self-respecting algae would be honored to be compared.

-The Constitution and claiming your rights – Not “Just a goddamn piece of paper!” as George Bush, Jr. is purported to have said. Our rights don’t come from pieces of paper but–when understood and enforced–this paper can help protect us from the goddamned.

-Conspiracy Fact – The reason why many a “theory” is dismissed is not based on personal research but because someone else dismissed it and then continue to use the arrogant tactic of eye-rolling and name-calling to dismiss not only the theory but any discussion thereafter (can you say “Bill O’Reilly”? I guess a better question would be, “Does saying that name leave a taste in your mouth similar to vomit?”) I will present some questions for you to ponder and, hopefully, research to your own satisfaction. Most won’t, claiming they don’t have the time and will then watch 3-hours of sports on television, followed by commentary on the sports game on the “news,” followed the next day with, “Bill, did you see the game last night! And what’s that nasty taste of vomit in my mouth?”

Am I always right and everyone else wrong? YES! Of course not, but I seek TRUTH more than I do comfort and will be the first to welcome clarification and a retraction over remaining bolstered up on an egoic pedestal of falsitude (too flamboyant?) As Samuel Adams (yeah, “the beer guy”) said:

If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen!”

Your wealth may be able to buy you trinkets but will never be able to buy you peace of mind. And your servitude may not only be to a tyrant but to your own conditioned patterns and fears as well.

And as the Indian mystic Osho said about the current state of society:

“It is politics, it is no more religion. It is reformist, it is no longer rebellious. It does not transform people, it consoles them. It does not hit people awake, it goes on slnging lullabies so that they can fall asleep in a better way.”

I am here to inspire you to break free of your self-imposed bonds. I am here to empower. I am equally here to entertain and have a good time. If none of what I have to offer serves you,

“Go from this blog in peace. Crouch down and suck my balls, and I’ll forget you ever stopped by.”

In Empowerment & Laughter,

“Jesus Cartman”

or more personally known as

Swami X