Dear “Jane,”
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I am not sure why you feel the need to take on this crusade against me but I do think you need to hear my voice on the matter.
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First of all, the parts you quoted from the un-blog piece that you found offensive were not true. If they were true, I might agree with you that I should be terminated. Let me say it again: they are not true. While you may not find the humor to your liking, just like finding Howard Stern or “South Park” or “Family Guy” or hip-hop radio distasteful, the best option is probably to turn it off and tune it out. The more draining option is to make a campaign to have Howard Stern kicked off the radio because he wished cancer on someone in jest, or to start a letter-writing campaign against family guy because Peter Griffin’s chin looks like a pair of testicles, or have “South Park” banned because they had a character that is a constantly stoned towel, or contact the sponsors at a hop-hop radio station and threaten them because you feel that hip-hop is bringing down the moral fabric of society. That’s a lot of energy and, from my perspective, seems a bit preachy and dictatorial.
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If you have read any of the other entries in my un-blog you would probably see that many entrees are written like “South Park,” often with a somewhat tasteless bend, but containing nuggets of truth and wisdom sprinkled in the dung hills. Then again, judging from your reaction to the “Promotion” piece, maybe you wouldn’t. There is also a lot of beautiful poetry within those 600 pages that you seem to imply in your email to David is only smut, as well as pieces to which the responses I have received have been letters of thanks for sharing beauty and new understandings and even life-changing insights and inspiration.
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So you chose to write a letter to my employer in an attempt to get me fired. Now “Jane,” I want YOU to take responsibility for YOUR behavior. My questionable behavior was NOT TRUE. Yours is. First off, your actions could deprive the NYSD students of the most experienced teacher there besides David, as I have been affiliated with the school for 15 years, 7 years of which I was the Fight Team captain where I competed in about 25 fights, and have depths of knowledge that even David does not have that I openly share. Perhaps you should ask people who have taken my class if ANYONE has ever experienced any ACTUAL problem with me. What you will find is that the students enjoy my classes and have learned quite a bit from me, not just about kickboxing but about life. But you didn’t consider this when you started your campaign.
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Another thing you didn’t consider is that teaching at the school is my primary source of income, meaning that if you succeeded in getting me fired–which you made very clear was your goal by your email and your “terminateswamix@gmail.com” created email account–I would not have enough money to pay my rent, my bills and feed myself and my dog. Not only myself but my dog would suffer, for what–because you took a falsehood for truth and didn’t even have the respect, if not for me than for yourself, to validate the information before starting your smear campaign? Does this even register for you?
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I assure you, “Jane,” you know nothing about me, my teaching, or my life. Telling you more than you have shown the responsibility to know, for some time now I have pretty much moved away from sex. I haven’t masturbated in about two years and have been living mostly celibate. Go take a survey and find me another man who can make that claim whose equipment is not dead. More recently I have started dating someone steady and I have NO interest in having sex with anyone else and even she has at times voiced issue with what she considers the lack of importance I place on sexuality.
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The possible mistake I made was including my un-blog address on the flyer I posted at NYSD, because I wouldn’t want to risk that it wouldn’t be clear that “The views and opinions of this un-blog do not represent NYSD.” As a result, I removed the flyers from the school and printed new ones without the un-blog web address.
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The flyer from which you came to the un-blog and the piece you found so offensive had my email address and my telephone number. You could have contacted me directly and I would have welcomed the opportunity to hear your thoughts and share with you mine and maybe then all your distress would have washed away like a child’s sandcastle. Instead you sought to get me fired and now have started an email campaign to smear me. It is you, “Jane,” who has acted shamefully, who has violated another, only this time not in make-believe. I ask you to take responsibility for your actions.
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I am thinking that you might have been subject to some sexual abuse or misconduct in your life and for that I am sorry. If this is the case I can understand your sensitivity to this issue. Still, your actions have neither weighed the facts nor their potential consequences.
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Regardless of the clear fact that we have different sense of humors, I wanted to address one specific you wrote in your letter to David. You wrote how I am “touchy touchy” in my teaching, implying that there may be some impropriety in my physical contact to the students while still acknowledging that you were not certain of this. First off, I touch both male and female clients in the same manner. Secondly, this is kickboxing, which is a physical sport, and not needlepoint. It is my opinion that the physical contact I provide is helping students to become more consciously aware of such technical items such as dropping their hands when punching or turning over their hip when kicking or slapping back with their hands when holding pads and I’ve NEVER touched anyone in class inappropriately and I find the implication repugnant.
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My parents were both teachers of grade school children for decades. They told me stories about how there came a time when each of their prospective administrations became paranoid about lawsuits regarding sexual misconduct and sent down a mandate that teachers were not to make physical contact with any of the students. This left the teachers in a quandary, as just about every single grade school teacher has been faced with an extremely upset student that needs a shoulder to cry on or a hug to help him or her know that it will all be okay.
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I find it a sad misappropriation of mandate to leave students in need, be they a 4th grader in tears or a kickboxing student with suboptimal technique, because we have become worried that someone will interpret healthy human touch as something over which to start a legal or smear campaign. Unfortunately, in a climate of fear it is the students in need that will suffer. Ben Franklin said, “If you sacrifice freedom for security you will lose both.” If you sacrifice living authentically and sharing your heart, be that in the teaching arena or elsewhere, you will sacrifice a lot more than freedom; you will sacrifice your very spirit and be destined to walk around like a zombie like most in our society.
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If after talking with me you had felt unsatisfied and continued to feel the need to express your discontent, I would have strongly encouraged you to complain to David, for I feel it is necessary for all of us to have the RIGHT TO EXPRESS OURSELVES in how we see fit, be it dissatisfaction regarding a service we are paying for or on a personal un-blog. I would assumed that you would represent both yourself and your position truthfully, for you would believe that your case had merit and could stand on its own accord, instead of using a false name and claiming to represent “the students of NYSD.”
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Now I ask you to “cease and desist,” to stop pursuing a campaign against a fiction, to allow and even support free speech and expression on someone’s personal un-blog, to use your energy for creativity and not for destructive purposes. I feel violated, “Jane.” But while I can write all kinds of nonsense on my un-blog through a characterization that is often far from Who I Am, a character I refuse to play is one of a victim.
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Now I wonder whether I will receive a letter from you apologizing for your actions and also see a group mailing to the NYSD addresses you acquired voicing your regret for your actions. That is not easy for most to do because it requires saying, “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry.” Most are not capable of this level of adulthood that requires intelligence and humility. Instead they act like children out of emotions with total disregard for the poeple that may be hurt in the process.
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Swami X
