Enlightening Nonsense

© June 7, 2011

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He says how insulting I am

And I tell him he is being defensive

That his radar is set so delicately

That this flying bird appears an enemy plane

But this doesn’t stop his missiles from firing

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She says how mean I am

And I tell her she is being oversensitive

Thinking everything has to be warm and balmy

And that the cold truth

Shouldn’t result in her flower losing its petals

But it still leaves her feeling bare

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He says how unappreciative I am

And I tell him that in response to his acts of kindness

My quarter-gallon smile should be enough to fill his gas tank

And that it is he who has his foot on the brakes

But his motor stops running nonetheless

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She says how abusive I am

And I tell her that I was only sharing with her

What I needed and what I was feeling

And that when would this ever be wrong

Not realizing that everyone has their breaking point

And she had finally reached hers

That my flailing words had bruised her beyond repair

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I would always point out

Their conditioning and programming

Their foibles and flaws

Their logical fallacies

And fallacious logistics

Until I looked in the mirror

And saw a monster staring back at me…

And I was scared

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And I wondered how they had managed not to run away sooner

For this was the most ugly beast I had ever seen

And while my feet were frozen out of fear

Perhaps theirs had remained planted out of love

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© April 9, 2011

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I sit here

In a cold cell

Treated by guards and inmates in a cold manner

For a crime they say was cold-blooded

Bt while my expression remains icy

My heart has never stopped pumping warm love

For the one I serve

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He let me know

Without words

But with a clear transmission

That it was time for this girl to die

That he wished her dead

And I was to be his messenger

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I questioned Him why

Why her?

Why me?

And the unspoken answer I received

Was that it was too complicated for the mind to grasp

That I could not understand why

That the only choice I had was to follow God

…or not

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God chose me

And I chose God

And while the reason why was out of my hands

He would use these very hands to carry out his murder

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My body became vacant

As he entered into me

Filling me

Taking the helm of my ship

Leaving me to lie on a deck chair

And enjoy the ebbs and flows

As he steered the vessel where it needed to go

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And when my fingers squeezed around her throat

I wondered what she could have done

To deserve God’s wrath

God was the hunter

I was his gun

And she was a fragile fawn

Turned to a lifeless lamb

And as her body went limp

In the vacuum created by the sudden silencing

Of screams and struggle

God pulled out of my body

And somehow I reentered

With blood on my hands

And God nowhere to wash them clean

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People yelled at me

Held up signs seeking vengeance

Painted me as a monster

Instead of a messenger

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I looked around the courtroom

And I was alone

God wasn’t there to take the stand

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They found me guilty for a crime

My body was used to commit

But who were they to judge me?

Only God has that power

While I might have violated the court’s law

From Him I never strayed

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Now they lead me to a room

Where I will be given a lethal injection

That will remove me from my body forever

Only this time God will not enter it

…only worms

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I await standing before God

And asking him once again

Why he chose me

To kill that girl

I’m hoping by then I will have the capacity to understand

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While honored to be God’s messenger

There has been unrest in my soul

For my delivery

© March 10, 2011

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when the day comes

for me to no longer walk in nature

but to become a part of it

the birds will sing

the trees will stand

the clouds will float

there will be no talk of me

for my footprints will have left no impression

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