Enlightening Nonsense

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“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

—The Golden Rule

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“Piss on another if they will piss onto you.”

—The Golden Shower Rule

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It was yet another typical aftermath of Ogre and I butting heads like rams where not only did I think it would serve us best to have some space from each other—I didn’t want to talk to that bitch either [See White Hole: Part 2 at http://rebelyogi.com/white-hole] This resulted in the next day me receiving a text message from her saying that my lack of contacting her the day before was a clear “Fuck you!” and more words to essentially say that I was a douche and we were through. I probably should have cut my losses and said, “You know, I had a bunch of free dinners and even got laid here and there—okay, time to go!” But due to my persistence (and love for free food and pussy), we played the “let’s try again” card probably ten times too many.

On another night, I told Ogre via text that I didn’t want her texting me if she was going to be multitasking during the exchange and I would have to wait about 5-minutes between texts for a response like, “LOL!” feeling like a stand-up comedian having his audience remain dead silent after a joke that he thought would kill and then, apparently on European time delay, burst into laughter when he is in the middle of telling his next joke. We ended up talking on the phone and she was very “tonal,” meaning socially correct but subtextually a total condescending cunt. She explained to me that this is what text messaging is about, half-assed communication, and that if I wanted full-assed attention I best find a black chick as “baby’s got back.” We parted not in sweet sorrows but wishing death and destruction on the other.

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It was 9:42 that night, about an hour later, when I sent her a text that said:

“Back from walk. Feeling drained. Sorry to add more stress to your day. Wish I could take it away. Going to shut down now…unless there is something you need/want to say.”

She didn’t reply and so three minutes later I sent:

“Okay, goodnight hon.”

The next morning at 9:14, still with no word back from Ogre I sent her this:

“’There is no need of recounting your past deeds…The past is dead and you are reborn in the present.’ Hope the stress of yesterday has ‘past’ away & you have a day that is full of life…and that your texts don’t sound like Chinese fortune cookies like mine do.”

The quote was from Osho but I stopped mentioning his name to her, as she had made it clear after misinterpreting something he said and finding it offensive that she didn’t like him. I ended the text with “Ching cha dow dai! (Chinese music)” which was a joke on how she would imitate Chinese music in a racist way that only a racist like myself could appreciate.

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So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

—Matthew 7:12 (New International Version)

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“If you are fucking some dude in the ass, be kind enough to give him a reach around.”

—Sade Mastication (Bedroom Version)

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It was about noon and still no word from Ogre. I sent her the following:

“You okay? About to start yoga w/Fagbe. Guessing you’re just busy or not in the mood but I didn’t want to risk that you were in need of something or just in need.”

Remember, this is the world of instant messaging and texting and emails where one can take ten seconds and give a quick response. Literally an hour later I received this back from her:

“Yes I’m ok. Very busy. Just got off train meeting agent now.”

This was not the first time or the last where her lack of response seemed much more the result of being chosen than inopportune. Using her words, one might say she was giving me a big “Fuck you.”

This would not be the first time that Ogre left me hanging because, I’m guessing, she didn’t’ want to speak to this bitch. But it opened up a metaphysical can of worms that made it difficult to think of anything other than going fishing.

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“Avoid doing what you would blame others for doing.”

—Thales of Miletus (Greece c. 624 BC – c. 546 BC)

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I reflected on other times when she seemed to exhibit behaviors that were the very example of behaviors that she had despised when expressed by me. If she had voiced her discontent with me saying I had not been supportive to her on days when she had an big event, such as a karate belt promotion test or an important meeting…it seemed that on days when I had something of importance, like speaking at an Earth Day event or a plan to scratch my balls at 3:00, that from my perspective she was not always supportive in the way that I needed her to be. If she had voiced that it was a stressor if I was running late when we had made specific plans and I didn’t call…this didn’t seem to impact her continuing to have “important” discussions with me which would result in me running late for teaching my classes, which I had voiced all too many times was a stressor for me.

As one who thinks of child molestation any free moment I have, I have always been perplexed how one can be sexually molested by a parent and then pass the same terror onto his own child. You would think that he would go to the furthest extremes to avoid his own child having to deal with what he went through. But statistically this is not the case. Perhaps conditioned patterns have created such deep grooves in the record that nothing short of a full-powered kick to the phonograph can jump the needle out of its repetition loop on the record.

But conditioning is not just about hearing a bell ring and suddenly finding yourself drooling all over your cardigan. Pavlov’s drooling dog experiment created a specific response to a specific stimulus: ring the bell and the dogs drooled. But there are also general conditionings that result in a less predictable response patterning.

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“One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”

—Socrates, in Plato’s (Crito, 49c) (c. 469 BC–399 BCE)

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We’ve all heard the phrase “An eye for an eye,” which is a quotation from several passages of the Hebrew Bible, as when the Jews were not busy making matzo out of Christian children’s blood or planning to take over the world, their favorite pastime was blinding folks. This is “The Law of Retaliation” and it has been ingrained into most of our unconscious minds. This is why when someone does something we think is unethical or “wrong” and we find out she ended up suffering a massive brain hemorrhage we are like, “Fuck her, she deserved it!” If we’re a New Age douche, we costume our uncaring ways with such “spiritual” words as, “Karma’s a bitch.” If we are a Christian we say, “That bitch will pay for her sins with an eternity burning in Hell.” If we are a Moslem we say, “I’m going to blow myself up near that bitch!”

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But you don’t have to be associated with any cult, or as you call them “religion,” in order for you to be conditioned into the Law of Retaliation. Every time you tell your friend of some bad behavior you exhibited because “So-and-so was such a jerk!” and she responds, “You were justified in slicing his eyelids off and tying him up and forcing him to stare at the sun because of what he did,” you both are showing your conditioning as a slave to the Law of Retaliation. Here’s a new Swami X rule, a la Bill Maher:

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Anytime you need to justify any action or behavior, you are probably better off not doing it.”

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We are so conditioned to Hammurabi’s Code (“An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”) that we seem to intentionally forget that acting like a jerk based on our own insecurities is still jerky. And that is what it is based on—insecurities. Instead of saying, “I am still feeling so angry by what happened, as your action seems not to show me the respect I need, and unless I can purge this from me, it will be hard for me to express my love—and that is what I want to do so can you help me with this?” we try to punish the other for their trespass while asking the Lord to forgive our own. And then we justify it and our “good” friends assure us that we were wronged and, “He walked on your rug with dirty shoes—you are perfectly justified in killing his whole family.” If they were really good friends they might hold up a mirror to our faces and see if we like the scowling bitch in its reflection.

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“Two wrongs may not make a right but it feels so good,” we silently say. In dog training, you don’t want to punish your dog but instead you want to correct the behavior. When you punish your dog all you are doing is expressing your frustration violently, whether physically or emotionally. Treating a dog this way is abusive. Treating a human this way is common.

If being abusive to a human is common, as one of the most immature, borderline psychotic, people I have ever dated, Ninja took commonality to new heights; she would intentionally do things to try and elicit a hurt response from me and then have a sardonic smile plastered on her face when I finally lost my cool at 2:00 a.m. and wanted to feed her to the dogs, and by “dogs” I mean Dominicans.

Ogre would not try to hurt me “just because,” as she wasn’t a verifiable loon like Ninja, but she would try to hurt me, whether acknowledged out loud or not, “Because you did this…” and the result was still a partner trying to punish her partner—“justified” or not. Here’s a newsflash for all you guys and gals in relationships:

Punishing your partner NEVER results in you getting what you want, which unless you are demented is a partner satisfying your needs because he (or she) wants to and not because you are tyrannical and will make his life miserable if he doesn’t.

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“Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.”

—Confucius

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I have been very forthcoming in my un-blog about how I can often act jerky, stick random objects in my ass and wash a vagina spic and span comparable to any douche and do not give myself a free pass for any suboptimal behavior I have exhibited. Instead I make fun of myself, exaggerate it and use a scalpel to see if any lessons can be excised from the cancerous growth. But in reflection, I don’t know if I’ve ever really tried to intentionally hurt someone to, in essence, push her face into her own shit. If I didn’t call Ogre on a given day, it was not a “Fuck you” but a need for space and regrouping. Would it have been ideal to let her know this? Of course. Her translating job of silence into “Fuck you” shows more about how she tends to see others and respond herself than it says anything about me.

But forgetting any belief on what is “right” or “moral” or “ethical” or will result in a free pass into the made-up Heaven of your choice, there is a metaphysical principle that is at play that one might want to follow if they solely want to bring something into her life or get rid of something in her life (without having to dig a ditch in Jersey.) This became illustrated to me so clearly by the Universe in a lesson entitled Showing Up On Time that even a back of the class, dunce cap wearing moron like myself couldn’t help but understand and pass this test.

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I had and continue to find myself frustrated when I offer a yoga class or other teaching/sharing at 11:45 sharp and people never seem to show up on time (if I call it for 12:00 they can show up as late as they want.) Just like any lame behavior, the justifications are free-flowing: “The subways were running slow,” “I was right around the corner but had to follow some pretty girl and make ‘tsk” sounds for twenty-five blocks,” “My period stained my new Victoria Secret’s white thong and I was soaking it in the sink with Woolite for the past half-hour.” To me this expresses little more than a lack of respect for my time and what I have to offer—and the fact that female menstruation is pretty gross.

But when I reflected on how I tended to find myself running late for events myself, I realized that this just Metaphysics 101 being reiterated in Showing Up On Time reminding me that, “What you do unto others will come back unto you.” As a person who has no morals, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if I was offensive to a religion or a society or an individual, but since I despised receiving the same treatment myself, I started to make more of an effort to show up on time for others. Nothing changed and people still show up late to my classes but that is because God hates me.

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It saddens me that we have come to such a state of patheticism not only in relationships with our supposed “partners” but also with other countries that we are still functioning through Hammurabi’s Code. Jesus came and said, “Fuck that—it’s time to forgive!” but instead of genuinely forgiving another his or her trespass, we wish them to Hell, whether by our hand or by the stroke of some Divine monster’s cock, all the while quoting a passage from the New Testament and thinking ourselves somehow religious.

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“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”

—Mohandas Gandhi

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“An eye for a testicle works for me.”

—Overheard from a conversation between two cannibals at

a dinner table

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REFLECTION:

What patterns of behaviors that others express really drive you up a wall? Do you exhibit the same or similar behaviors? An answer something like, “I am not THAT late!” means yes. Clean up your own house and only people who like cleanliness will enter it. Keep it a filthy mess and you can expect people with dirty shoes tracking mud into it.

MEDITATION:

Imagine yourself coming across another doing an action or behavior that you despise, such as littering. Rather than succumbing to your usual, “What are you a stupid idiot—pick that up!” response, imagine yourself calm and clear, not attached to ideas of rightness or wrongness but open to Oneness and a Universe that is like an anal recycler who will use anything and everything to help you to grow. Allow in your clarity the litterer’s behavior to bring to mind an action that you do that may not be considerate of others’ feelings. Thank the litterer for helping to teach you a lesson. She says, “Screw off, freak!” and you smile at the many actors the Universe has hired for Her cosmic play.

Lessons can come even from a litterer but we will miss them if we are waiting for an old guru with a white beard to speak them.