Enlightening Nonsense

Will the real dickhead please stand up?

It was the Raw Spirit Festival in D.C., a gathering of educators, miseducators, vendors, performers, volunteers and about 500 raw food cultists. Since I am belong to no group, I felt like an FBI agent who had infiltrated a white supremist group, only unlike the FBI it was not my protocol to lead and direct a terrorist plan, acquire bombs and weapons from the Bureau for the act of terror and sit back and watch the shitstorm that the government would then use to justify their Draconian police state measures.

At last year’s Raw Spirit in Sedona, Arizona, I had guided a meditation and a yoga class and this year I was going to be a presenter on the “Transition To Raw Foods Panel” as well as hold a satsang, a gathering/sharing, where I would discuss different spiritual terms and how in the New Age they are often misunderstood with an equal moronicy that the church uses in their bastardization of the message of Jesus.

Dr. Brian Clement has been the Director of the Hippocrates Health Institute in Florida for about 30 years, a place founded by Ann Wigmore, where you can receive raw cuisine, alternative healing protocols and education that will leave you disease-free and at the same time penniless. I took o tour of the place a couple of years ago when I had visited my folks in Florida and I think listed on the price menu next to A Single Day’s Stay it said “Your first born child.”

Hippocrates conducts a lot of scientific research, documents their patients and their procedures and follows their progress throughout their new broke life after the raping that Hippocrates does on their wallet. Apparently they amended the Hippocratic Oath to say:

First, do no harm. Second, leave no wallet with anything other than a condom in it.

I am into science, and not just the “wishful thinking” that is often discussed in the natural health field, so I was curious to hear what Dr. Clement had to say but every time I saw him on the Nutrition Panel at the New Life Expo in New York City, he came off to me like an arrogant prick regardless of how many desperate, dying patients his Institute had kicked out onto the street wearing a hospital gown, healed and homeless.

I had been going to The New Life Expo for over a decade and always try to attend the Nutrition Panel but in the past few years I started to find it a lame bunch of handholding among the panel where no one would offer much beyond the very general, “Eat more vegan and live, raw food,” and it became about as informative as the 9/11 Commission’s questioning of George Bush and Dick Cheney, in which the criminals were allowed to testify behind closed doors, not under oath and together. The last time there were together behind closed doors it was at Yale’s “Skull And Bones” secret society ritual where the attendees are videotaped sucking cock and taking it up the ass so that they’ll never risk going against the New World Order without their video being released and quickly surpassing in sales the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee Jones sex tape. I mean, even I purchased the cult porn classic “Barbara Bush Shows Her Bush.”

And then one year it happened. Dr. David Jubb, who was known for citing obscure research that no one had ever heard about and was about as useful as a girl baby to a Chinaman, called Brenda Cobb, a cancer survivor become health educator, “fat” and the hands were dropped and on went the gloves. Dr. Clement said something like, “When I look into Mr. Jubb’s eyes I see ‘LIVE’ spelled backwards.” Dr. Jubb responded, “I worked hard to earn my doctorate and I’d appreciate being called by the proper title.”

Dr. Clement counterpunched with, “It seems that DR. Jubb has an issue with anger and DR. Jubb might want to see a therapist about this and DR. Jubb should not be on the panel but in a mental ward.” He didn’t say that exactly but he did say “DR. Jubb” with a mocking emphasis on the title “Dr.” about three ties in a single sentence.

Now you may have a problem with someone calling a cancer survivor with the motivating message that “You have a choice!” fat. Personally, I don’t. As a matter of fact, one of my favorite pastimes is walking down the chemo ward at The Sloane Kettering Poison, Burn and Mutilate Center and popping my head into each patient’s room and saying, “I’m looking forward to the funeral. For a fat fuck like you, they’re bound to have a massive spread of the very food that will have buried you!”

What I do have a problem with is a passive aggressive pussy like Dr. Brian Clement behaving badly and thinking he is somehow beyond reproach for his crappy behavior. That’s like pouring a whole container of hot fudge on a pile of feces—it might appear sweet on the outside but underneath still lays a piece of shit. And Dr. Brian Clement is a piece of shit.

So when Dr. Clement was giving his talk at the Raw Spirit Festival in D.C., I went to the Porta Potty and stuck my head in the hole for your ass, I guess you could call it an “ass hole,” and took a deep inhale through my nose and felt that I had received the same fragrantial essence with which Brian Clement would be aromatizing the stage.

Later in the day, while talking to my new intimate friend, Roach, she asked me if I had went to see Brian Clement’s talk earlier. I told her I had not, that something about the gaseous aroma of an arrogant ass didn’t appeal to me and I’d rather give paper cuts to my balls like the guys from that Mtv show “Jackass” did to themselves than have to be around him blasting his intestinal disfortitude and having to listen to him keep denying that he had “dealt” it. She convinced me that he had a lot to offer and I thought I’d clean the slate of his projectile diarrhea and see what could be put on the board.

I went to the “Doctor’s Panel,” which consisted of about seven doctors from naturopaths, to a chiropractor to Dr. Brian Clement, a doctor of B.S. During the introductions, Dr. Clement said how Ann Wigmore, the Founder of the Hippocrates Health Institute, “brought raw food to America.” Dr. Yashpal Jayne, a Naturopathic and Homeopathic physician, knocked this statement as ridiculous at the end of his introduction, saying, “That’s like saying we ‘discovered’ America.”

Later Dr. Clement mentioned some guy and said he was, “The most important writer today.” For a guy who claims to be “a factual pragmatist,” I wondered how he tabulated this conclusion. In baseball you might be able to call someone, “The best hitter today” based on his batting average. In golf you might be able to call someone “The best golfer today” based on his domination of the tournaments and also because now that Barak Obama is in the White House, it’s considered the “hip” standard procedure to praise the accomplishments of black people.

But a writer? What do you base it on? Sentence structure? Number of books written? Whether their books contain pretty illustrations? And how do you compare a fiction writer with a non-fiction writer? I would choose to read Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull before I would choose to read Why I Am Better Than Everyone Else by Dr. Brian Clement any day. Hell, I’d read a brochure from the cult of Scientology before I’d read one of his books! [See “The Best Blowjobs In Town: Scientology” at http://rebelyogi.com/the-best-blowjobs-in-town-scientology]

Later during a little cheerleading for Obama comment, Dr. Clement said, “People call Barak Obama a fascist and a socialist because they can’t call him the ‘n’ word.” This reminds me of the stupid comment made by the politically vocal comedian, Jeanine Garofalo about how all the thousands upon thousands of people that gathered last April 15^th at different points all around the country to protest the Income Tax, the Federal Reserve and the government’s economic direction were only there because they were racists. I went to a rally in New York City that night, along with several thousand others, because the Income Tax is a fraud. The fact that I’m a racist had no bearing on my attendance.

But Dr. Clements statement shoes that memorizing and spitting out snippets of studies you read that most others probably haven’t can’t hid that fact that you’re a moron. Barak Obama is a fascist because of his proposed policies to give government powers that would allow it to goose step its way through the American Field and trample on all the daises of Liberty. Barak Obama is a socialist because he is proposing Socialist policies, such as a government controlled health care program where you the healthy tax payer will be forced to unconstitutionally contribute to the health care of the 400 lb. cheeseburger chain stuffer-in-his-mouther who I called a fat fuck just last week.

This has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a nigger. Apparently one can call Barak Obama a nigger, that is unless he has already pushed through a Fascist bill which makes sharing your opinion on your own personal website a “hate crime” punishable by deletion of not only your website but your person in one of the secret prisons around the world where we drop off the captives we’ve kidnapped because we’ve labeled them “Enemy Combatants” and now wash our hands clean of the torture that we know these sadist camp hosting countries will be using on them. Oh, but yay, he closed Guantanamo. Obama has stated that he thinks this “kidnap and drop-off” policy, known as “rendition,” is fair game. The last time America’s mindless sheep ate a cow pie this big was when they voted in George Bush, Sr. based on his bold, “Read my lips: no new taxes” statement, only to get elected and then to immediately say, “Uh, change of plans—there will be new taxes.”

After the panel, I introduced myself to Dr. Clement and asked him some questions, which he somewhat graciously answered, although his answers still contained the subtext of, “I suppose you don’t know 2+2=4 either.” As is common with pseudo-celebrities who are neither good-looking nor talented, like the piece of shit they are, they usually have a bunch of needy shit-addict flies circling them wherever they go. So Dr. Clement had his swarm buzzing him with questions. Regardless of the fact that he’s a prick, he does seem to have a lot of experience, information and references at his disposal. I, too, asked him a question and here is how the dialogue went:

SWAMI X: “I’ve heard that eating fruit will feed cancer. The only research I’ve come across on this was a single study that involved cancer patients being given an intravenous glucose solution, where the cancer cells seemed to multiply but nothing directly involving fruit.”

DR. CLEMENT: “Well, you obviously haven’t done any current research. Do you know what a PET Scan is?”

SWAMI X: “Yes.”

DR. CLEMENT: (challenging) “What is a PET Scan?”

SWAMI X: Well, I don’t know exactly but my understanding is that it is like an MRI.” (I considered saying, “That’s when you put a comb through your dog and look for tics” but felt he was already talking to me like I had a 3^rd grade education and that comment would probably have him drawing stick figures for me.)

DR. CLEMENT: “A PET Scan will scan the body and will measure the amount of cancer in the body. There was a study where fructose from an apple was given to cancer patients and the PET Scan showed that the cancer cells multiplied by 300%.”

SWAMI X: “Okay, but I think we can all agree that fructose is not the same as an apple.”

DR. CLEMENT: “Oh really.”

SWAMI X: “Yeah. Fructose is an extracted isolate from the fruit while an apple is a whole food.”

DR. CLEMENT: (patting my arm as if I just questioned if 2+2=4 and his complicated discussion of algebra was just way over my simplistic head) “Okay.”

SWAMI X: “What about ‘The Grape Cure,” which cured cancer by consuming nothing but grapes or the old healers, including some of my teachers, who cured people of cancer having them fast on nothing but carrot juice—which is very high in sugar?” (He paused, as it was possible that I had asked a question that wasn’t on his memorized fact sheet that he kept glued to the inside of his eyelids. I jumped on the gap.) “While you might not consider these treatments as the optimal methods to combat cancer for today, according to your statements, a diet of just grapes or carrot juice should have made the cancer grow astronomically.”

He said something that didn’t answer the question satisfactorily and then dismissively turned away to field another question from the shit flies, similar to Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny acting as the “street” New York lawyer in a southern court who instead of saying, “No more questions for this witness, your Honor,” says directly to the witness he’s been questioning, “I’m done with you.”

While I have been called “confrontational” in the past and my teaching style can be a bit “in your face” at times, I assure you that my questions and comments had a much more inquisitive tone of voice than a combative one.

A young man gives his girlfriend a dozen roses. She throws them back in his face and says, “White roses are romantic; red are just cliché.” The next time he sees her he gives her a big box of chocolates and she snaps back, “What, do you want me to have to spend all of my free time at the gym burning off these calories?” The next time he kneels down on one knee and opens a small black velvet jewelry box, revealing a $4,000 diamond ring. She looks at it and says, “Something that small belongs in a Cracker Jack box, not on my finger.” Finally, the next time he sees her he has a shotgun. “And what am I supposed to do with that?” she says, “I don’t like hunting.” “Put it in your mouth,” he replies. “I want to see you suck something, for a change, before I blow your fuckin’ brains out.”

Why all the hostility? Maybe he was “LIVE” spelled backwards. I am secure enough in myself so I didn’t totally crumple into a heap of raw chia seed pudding on the spot, but I did feel talked down to and disrespected and, like an old man, a touch shorter than I was in my youth when I still had the interest and capacity to question.

From my limited understanding of the ways of the Universe, everything happens for a reason and often while claiming our skin to be flawless, seemingly “bad” behavior we see outside of ourselves is just a mirror to help us see our own blemishes of which we were unaware. The Universe was teaching me to be mindful of my own tendency to allow frustration with someone for not “getting it” to express itself in a way that could be potentially be hurtful to the other.

I was also made aware that I allowed that arrogant prick to pull me out of my personal power. Had I remained grounded in my power, I would have said calmly and not condescendingly, “Brian, while I have done my research on the topic, I obviously haven’t read everything on the topic. I was asking you because I know you have come across a lot of research and I was open to see if you could help me come to a better understanding on the matter. If you can, great. If you can’t, I’ll accept that as well. But what I won’t accept is being talked to in a condescending, patronizing manner.”

Another thing that I would have liked to have said in order not just to walk in my own power but to actually take over the power of the circle as the new Alpha Male, metaphorically showing our audience his small dick, would have been not to address him but the circle around him with this: “I want you all to think of something—for yourselves and not based on what some supposed ‘expert’ told you—how many of you think that if you isolated out the sugar of an apple and put it on one plate and it looked like granulated sugar, that this would be identical to a second plate which contained a whole, juicy red organic apple?”

I would then go on with a lesson on empowerment, in the process completely ignoring Brian Clement, changing the subject from an isolated discussion of electrical impulses and blood circulation in the form of facts and figures to an honoring of the whole human being because, like in the case of the apple, regardless of whether Brian Clement condescends to you that if you take a corpse and circulate the blood with pumps and provide an electrical stimulus to the brain that this is the same exact thing as a live human being, it only creates the illusion of life—similar to the illusion of research that Dr. Clement uses to pretend that he’s anything other than a miserable prick.

“This is a great illustration on how you may hear a lot of information this weekend from so-called experts and how instead of believing everything they say as gospel, you need to filter their information through your own intuitive sense and see what makes sense to you. That’s empowerment. Anything else is just allowing someone like Dr. Clement to take permanent residence in your head and run the show. Sounds like what goes on in cults. The only one that belongs in your head, in your heart is your Self. That is God.”

If I wanted to respond in a “whose dick is bigger” way I might have said, “Brian, I just asked you a question and my follow-up was in the hope that you might be able to clarify your response for me in a form that would be understandable and useful for me. Is it because my body is better than yours that you responded to a mere question in such a condescending manner?”

When a new woman enters a party in progress the other women have a tendency, whether consciously or unconsciously, to size her up. “Now who does she think she is wearing a strapless dress? I think I’ll drop my dress off my shoulders a bit.” Similarly, when more than one strong man—and by “strong” I don’t necessarily mean anything more than a “dominant” male, who are actually often covering weakness through the projection of false strength— enters into a group, there is usually a battle, whether overt or covert, for the “Leader of the Pack” status. It is only the insecure man or woman that can’t remember that we are a human tribe and not a pack of dogs and that being strong is an individual thing and does not require the phrase “in comparison to” to be placed after it. Being strong is not only about projecting and extending your own personal strength but also holding a strong space so that others feel safe enough to step up and express their own beautiful expression of themselves. Probably a hard concept for someone who can call someone “The most important writer of our time” to grasp.

Another lesson the Universe had gifted me by this situation was the reminder that it is important to remain in one’s power no matter what the circumstance in which one is placed and that you don’t truly own your power if it is so easily taken away from you by another, be it a government, a self-anointed “expert” like Brian Clement, or even a man of worth.

After the Brian Clement dissing, I walked to the cabin where I was staying, feeling like I had asked someone for the time of day and he responded by beating me up and then urinating on my beaten and broken body because, “How stupid of you to ask me for the time when there is a store that sells compasses around the corner!”

I was alone and gathered the items I would need for the rest of the day; a bottle of water to combat the dehydration that the sun offered in the heat of her beautiful rays; my white flowing Paki shirt and large mala bead necklace, rattle and voice recorder for the satsang that I would later lead, which would provide me a ritualistic assistance into the transformation of not only myself but of the fellow gatherers.

As I was about to go back to the festival, Viktoras Kulvinskas, considered the grandfather of the raw food movement, entered the cabin. Viktoras is someone who I have not only seen and enjoyed hearing speak in the circuit but who on more than one occasion I have talked to one-on-one and like very much. I considered just leaving him be but then came back and said, “Hello Viktoras,” and we joked about me catching him “with his pants down.” He even told me a story about how once he knocked on Ann Wigmore’s door and entered without waiting for a response and her boyfriend gave him a smile as he quickly pulled up his pants.

We had a long conversation in which I shared with him what I had just been subject to from “someone whose name I won’t mention.” Viktoras’ first question was, “Who was it—Brian Clement?” I wondered whether his dead on hit came from his open connection to his Source and was fed to him in an intuitive download but after he brought up his own interactions with Dr. Clement, it became obvious that his information came from personal experience.

I told him it was. He went on to share with me that sugar from fruit had no direct link to cancer and that it was a secondary relationship due to a different process in the body not working optimally, most often due to outside monkey wrenches screwing up the machinery. He also said that cancer was actually part of the immune system and quoted research that backed his above statements. He mentioned “The Grape Cure” for cancer and I was like, “I said that exactly!”

He also said that fructose was an isolated element and reacted differently to the body than eating an apple. Again I was like, “I know, I said that!” He then continued by sharing with me about a chemical constituent in wheat grass, the superfood that the Hippocrates Institute considers messianic, that if taken in an isolated form could kill you but taken as part of the whole grass is harmless. I was reminded how I learned a similar thing during my Masters in Herbology studies regarding the herb sassafras and its chemical constituent safriole.

Brian Clement has nothing to offer but facts and figures, which doesn’t require the presence of a human being but only a computer to process. What I received from Viktoras was much more valuable than just “information.” I received love, something that Brian Clement only expresses towards himself. I shared this understanding with Viktoras, that love was what people needed a lot more than facts, and he agreed whole-heartedly. And when someone full of heart like Viktoras opens it to you, the feeling is like the flush one gets from seeing someone who you love immensely, or from taking a whole bottle of niacin. If he were a prick like Brian Clement he might have patted my arm with a condescending, “Yes, very good, you realize that 2+2=4.” Perhaps on her next trip to Oz, Dorothy could take Brian Clement with her. A Tin Man like him would probably not only better benefit others but feel more complete himself if he “only had a heart.”

Of course information can be useful but, like a powerful computer, without a person to take it into his home and utilize it, it serves no purpose besides giving Bill Gates one more channel for his unlimited money other than being the financier for the elite scum’s eugenics program which supports limiting the population of what they consider the “useless feeders” and controlling the food, such as with the “Doomsday Seed Vault” into which Gates has already poured millions of dollars. This is also similar to how in recent years in the field of quantum physics, scientists have determined that the “observer” is a vital part and has a strong influence over the scientific experiment. Unfortunately, because of growing up in a society that conditions one that success in life is measured by the accumulation of worthless trinkets and useless facts that mere possession of will make your life of value, many don’t realize this obvious 2+2 Truth: that love is more important than trivia.

I would spend time with Viktoras Kulvinskas, not because he has information that I want but to bathe in his love. The only reason anyone would spend time with Brian Clement is for information. I suspect that even Brian Clement’s wife is with him because she is a homosexual infophile, as she fucks an asshole and there is nothing moderately attractive or redeeming about Brian Clement other than his encyclopedic information collection.

The Universe is a great teacher for me over the past several years. I’m guessing she has always been so but that I was too much of a juvenile delinquent to sit still in her class and friggin’ listen to her wisdom for a change. Sometimes she has shared her lessons like a loving grandmother whose lap is the best seat in the house. At other times she seems to beat me mercilessly like a sadistic Catholic nun with a ruler. But unlike the religious fraud, the Universe does not beat me down because she is a brainwashed abusive idiot who is mad at the world because the only thing that’s ever been inside her vagina was a tampon and a grape that she hid there when she was five and about which only remembered fifty years later. She beats me up. Because she knows that, like a samurai sword, through the temperance of her loving blows, she is helping me to become a weapon worthy of admiration, whether put to use on the battlefield or forever to remain as on the wall as an adornment.

The Universe used Dr. Brian Clement as her hammer and fire, banging and burning away the impurities that would keep me from becoming the best teacher I can be for my fellow travelers and the powerful weapon for authenticity and change that is my destiny.

Am I mad at Dr. Clement? The situation has past. The lessons have been extracted. I look at him as just a pawn on the chess set where I am the king. If anything, I am thankful for his sacrifice.

A man was exploring some ancient cave formations when tucked behind a rock he discovered an oil lamp. It was covered with the accumulation of centuries, maybe millennia, of dirt and grime. The man pulled out his handkerchief, as who travels anywhere without one of those, and rubbed the lamp clean. Suddenly a genie appeared before him and said, “Your wish is my command.” “What should I wish for?” he thought. He was already very wealthy and didn’t feel that money would enhance his life situation any. Because of his money, he had a multitude of beautiful gold-digging women available at his beck and call. Nott being the romantic type, he didn’t really care to ask for “That special one.” Finally his eyes lit up, like a boy who has just discovered his penis. “I’d like a huge prick,” he told the genie. The genie crossed his arms, blinked his eyes and POOF—standing before the man was Dr. Brian Clement.

“I am all for intelligence and not at all for intellect and I make a very clear-cut distinction between the two. Intellect is part of the mind — you can go on becoming bigger and bigger and more and more knowledgeable by accumulating information: you will be thought a great intellectual. These are the people who constitute our intelligentsia. All that they know is borrowed. Intelligence arises only when meditation has blossomed. It is the fragrance of your silence — the song of your silence. It is a totally different thing because its source is different. Intellect functions as part of the mind; intelligence functions when mind stops functioning.”

—Osho from A TASTE OF THE DIVINE (pp.38-39)