My book connections got my 10 Commandments Of Dog Training manuscript on the desk of the head of a big publisher they deal with. I found out that boogers are also on that desk and he had more of a chance of flicking those around than flipping through my manuscript.
So they sent it to New World Publishing, which although has the same beginning as New World Order—the evil vision of the elite manipulators to control the world by killing most of the people through poisons in our food, water, vaccines and through biological and high-tech weather-disrupting weapons, controlling and destroying economies, and by world governmental bodies, such as the U.N. and the World Bank—they also published Eckhart Tolle’s first book and I thought could possibly be my quickest route to “Oprah.”
A few weeks ago, I received a rejection letter from New World and so I am forced to conclude that they are part of the evil plan to control the world, knowing full well that my book would be anathema to their dominion. The rejection letter basically said, “We only publish a few new books a year and we wouldn’t risk this on a dog training book by a nobody like you.”
In a bit of classic comedy that even I couldn’t help but find amusing, there was an inked stamp at the bottom of the letter that read, “Signed in her absence,” which meant that the person whose name was on the letter probably was buffered from ever haveing to see or even hear about my book. While a bit harsh, I prefer when someone pisses down my back that they don’t try to perfume the smell by telling me it’s only raining.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfdpcrOgUp4
But their comments also showed me that whatever lackey actually typed up the letter, in most probability didn’t read my manuscript. While the skeleton of 10 Commandments is about “dog training,” the meat is really a book about relationships and how we can become more aware of the needs and feelings of our significant others, or anyone with whom we interact—be they four-legged or two-legged—and help the partnership become closer and more fulfilling. It is also written in a very “hip” rebel yogi way that is much different than the lame self-help books which boil down to looking at yourself in the mirror each morning and saying, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvgMIerTXl4
Even if New World Publishing did take on my first book, I was just going to drop them and find a different publisher for my second book, following Eckhart Tolle’s lead.
[To read the Introduction to The 10 Commandments of Dog Training go to: http://rebelyogi.com/the-10-commandments-of-dog-training-introduction.html]
10 Commandments needs a third edit but even in it’s current form it is chiseled enough for anyone with an eye for gemstones to see the shiny rock that lies beneath the surface. But more than a “book,” it symbolizes for me that I am moving to a place where it is time for me to share the wisdom that comes through me to a larger group of people, as opposed to only the three people who show up to my yoga classes and the handful of insane asylum patients who have managed to control their delusionary outbursts long enough to sign-up for my un-blog, Enlightening Nonsense.
I will eventually work on chiseling away more of the roughage and writing the third diamond sutra of this book. I may write a book proposal, which requires all these steps like showing who the market for the book is and how you will help promote the book. I am not a big fan of following “standard” procedures, so I just as easily may not. I may look into getting a literary agent, hopefully one who has a casting couch and I have to sleep with in order for them to take on a “nobody” like myself.
I received a random email on my MySpace account that I never use and only signed up for in order to contact a girl. He told me that he was writing a book where the lead character was named “Asananda” and his father was named “X” and thought it was crazy serendipity that he found someone out there named Asananda X (Asananda is in the name in the blank space between “Swami” and “X” and during my initiation as a sannyasin, I actually took the name “Swami Asananda”). He gave me a link to a site where he self-publishes and even if I were blind, deaf, dumb and creating animal sculptures with my own feces, it seemed kind of clear that the Universe was sharing with me a possible direction to go with my book.
I have to run now, as I need to go to the post office and send some anthrax to New World Publishing, as I’m growing tired of waiting for our government to go on another anthrax mailings spree, and finish up my Big Bird shit sculpture. But you haven’t seen the last of me, oh publishing world! HOO-HOO, HA-HA, HEE-HEE!
I’m looking forward to when I become a household name like…what’s the name of that chick that wrote the “Harry Potter” books? Then when New World comes up to me begging to publish my next books, I will bend them over the table, sodomize them while fantasizing it’s Duck I’m having anal sex with and declare:
“I WILL NEVER BE A PART OF YOUR NEW WORLD ORDER! AND BY THE WAY, THAT’S NOT RAIN ON YOUR BACK!”