I had scheduled a yoga class for my Meet-Up Group, “Yoga Without Walls” (http://yoga.meetup.com/758) this morning in Central Park where Dan, a live drummer friend of mine (I brought a “dead” drummer to class once but the smell became a real distraction), was coming to accompany us with beats on my African drum, rattles, bells and a myriad of other toys I had bought at Sam Ash, where Dan is a manager and gives me the manager’s discount, resulting in me having a lot of crap that I don’t need and rarely use. I had sent out notice to my group that we would leave sharply at 10:45 from Bethesda Fountain and go to an area to play yoga. I arranged to meet Dan at 10:30 at Columbus Circle so that dumb ass wouldn’t get lost.
At around 9:00 I sent Dan a text message, “You up?” He wrote back, “Yes.” As far as I was concerned, this text interaction was the epitome of a perfect relationship: we didn’t talk much and when we did, I got double the amount of words. It also had the essential element of a Jewish marriage–no blowjobs.
I arrived at Columbus Circle at around 10:20. Time passed and Dan didn’t show up. It was a 15-minute walk to Bethesda Fountain and so at 10:34 I left. Now I was going to be late and without a drummer. Weak.
On the way to the meet spot, after several “WTF!” (“What The Fuck!”) text messages from me, there was an incoming call–DAN! I was annoyed he was late, I was annoyed I was now going to be late and I was annoyed that Ron Paul was no longer in the race for president and instead we had two New World Order puppets playing at running.
I’ve known Dan for about a year and ever since I’ve known him you can never leave a message on his cel phone’s answering machine as it is always full. This is not due to Dan being super-duper popular as much as him being a prick that doesn’t erase his messages. So when I tried to call Dan and got the “All full, you can’t leave a message” message, I blew a gasket–and I decided he deserved to get hit in the eye by a flying gasket.
“Dan, your machine’s always full so I couldn’t leave a message! What are you saving messages from Sky so that you can constantly listen to them?” Sky was his girlfriend of three years that he recently broke up with and he was still dealing with the emotional aftershocks. I also told him that I was going to be late now in meeting the others.
To his credit, Dan didn’t say what I might have if the roles were reversed, “Fuck you, I’m out!” So for the critics who say, “You write as if you think you are so ‘spiritual’ and perfect”–or maybe that’s just Chad–I hope this proves useful to clear your palate from the shit you’ve been talking about me, if for no other reason than the fact that your breath really stinks.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the first thing we said to a perceived prick who inconvenienced us was, “Are you okay?”, if we gave the person the benefit of the doubt and actually cared about their welfare over our convenience? Dan told me that he left totally early but that the subways were not running well and I almost felt guilty until I convinced myself that he was a lying prick.
Then, if you feel you need, it would be alright to share how you feel. “Dan, I’m feeling angry.” Why are you feeling angry? What need was not being met? “My need for promptness and for accuracy in my speech has been totally compromised.” Instead what I gave to Dan in different words was, “You fucked up, you’re a fuck up, you should feel bad about being a fuck up, now I’m going to hang the phone the fuck up!” That is not only inaccurate, it is definitely not the way to union–unless that entails joining the Union of Pricks, which I am now a card-carrying member.
What did Dan feel and need? He probably felt frustrated that he was running late, maybe even a little irresponsible and guilty. What did he need? To hear that five minutes doesn’t make me love him any less, to know that I am more psyched to see my friend and to play with my friend than to scold him. Not that he was a prick. By pushing a dog’s nose in their shit all you get is a sad dog with a shitty nose. And then you’re going to tell everyone else how much you “love” your dog? Funny way of showing it.
REFLECTION/MEDITATION:
Do we focus on the “flaws” of others or our feelings and our needs that weren’t being met by their action–or inaction? Are you ready to give up your Union of Pricks membership? Imagine a difficult confrontation with a person and sharing your feelings and needs–while acknowledging their feelings and needs–and see if that helps you feel closer to coming to an understanding or more distant.
Anger and frustration when repressed just makes you a New-Age yoga poser and a Union of Pricks card member. If you focus on your desire for union, expressed anger and frustration can be authentically expressed and quickly moved beyond. Oh, if only…
Five times; I used “prick” five times.