To (Both) My Loyal Readers:
Because I realize in this text message world that reading any piece over a few pages long will result in a brain freeze surpassing a 3-floor, 3-quart 7/11 Slurpee, I will now (probably) break my pieces into, um, pieces. I am more a “complete” guy, I like to show you the full Monty and by this I mean not only my penis but an entire writing piece at each post. But I am aware of basic human psychology of the 21st Century, not because I was a Psych major in college–as that was completely useless to me other than draining my parents’ money–but because I have been around you soundbyte text messengers for so long that I know if I ask you for the time with too many words you tune out. As a result of you bastards, I am now a big fan of “shooting the messenger.”
Over the next week I will be stretching out a single piece, Project Bald Swami, into seven segments because my readership is so zombified from pharmaceutical drugs and electronic brain-drains that they can’t sit down for 10-minutes straight and, dare I say what has now become a “four-letter word,” read. Bravo, my mind-numbed imbeciles, you won this round. Look for the first installment of PBS (Project Bald Swami) tonight.
And all this time I’ve been told that bigger is better. Had I know this was not the case, I would have never invested so much time and money into the John “Wad” Holmes penis enlarger. Okay, maybe I would have but I would have used it to suction cockROACHES instead!