I will never stop trying

I will never stop watching as you leave

I will never stop losing my breath

Every time I see you lookin’ back at me

And I will never stop holding your hand

I will never stop opening your door

I will never stop choosing you, babe

I will never get used to you


—“Never Stop” by SafteySuit


I was walking with my sister, going to the funeral service of a man neither one of us ever met but whose son is married to her good friend and who was thus introduced to me when he was interested in personal training. More than the results he saw to his body as my client, we shared a lot of laughs, a few disagreements, and something that if you squinted your eyes just right you might mistake for love. Hearing his speech, peppered with periodic moments of breaking down and then recomposing, was difficult to see. I felt the pain, the loss, and can only hope my words can touch people’s hearts in such a way.

As I was walking to the service with my sister, her husband trailing behind because we were running late and his open shoelace wasn’t budgeted into the schedule, we got to talking about our dogs. I once took care of our grieving friend’s dog and when he spoke of his little white cotton ball Riley, his eyes would always wrinkle in a reflective smile as the corners of his mouth lifted, as if the licks in his imagination were leaving fresh streaks of drool across his cheeks. I told her of a thought I had last night when I was walking on the nature path that Abandon and I walk each day which, surrounded by trees and plants and dirt, helps us forget the cement bars of the city that at times feel suffocating.



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