Ahmed bin Fartin and Abandhi bin Fartin
I was planning a mass shooting at a military base today with my dog, when I was detained not by Homeland Security doing one of their 4th Amendment violation stops but by Channel 2 News. They talked to me briefly before I was dragged off to the police department, where they repeatedly assaulted me and had me sign some paper saying that I have officially changed my name to Achmed Bin Fartin and that I am an Al Qaeda operative who hates America. I was then sodomized by my cellmate as they watched; I didn’t mind the sodomy so much but a little privacy would have been nice.
At first the pigs threatened to kill my mother but when I responded, “Go ahead and kill that bitch,” they shifted their threat to my dog and so I signed their lying paper, feeling like Gerry Conlon from In The Name of the Father, as I just brought her along to kill two birds with one stone, combining a mass shooting with her walk, and didn’t think she should fry as she had no part in the planning of the mass shooting.
If I had the same superhuman abilities of the Fort Hood shooter, in an Oswaldian effort I might have killed not only two birds but also 13 people and injured 30, for a highly improbably near-50% kill rate with two hand guns that required reloading under highly stressful conditions, in order to serve the orchestrators desire to demonize private gun ownership and Muslims, while spreading fear that we are not safe in our own country and distracting the public in a puff of “Britney Spears Shaves Her Head” from our shitty economy, Obama sending more troops to Afghanistan and the complete media shut-out of our soldiers continuing to die in Iraq.
Fortunately, to paraphrase from the movie, The Count of Monte Cristo, “I am a Swami, not a saint.” Tune in tonight at 5:00 p.m. to Channel 2 News to see their interrogation.
[Check out: http://www.brasschecktv.com/page/96.html for a news report about "another" mass shooting by a lone gunman with two pistols that sneaked its way onto the air before it was pulled off and never replayed.]