Enlightening Nonsense

 

Flashback to my first experience of “Exodus”:

When I was a young actor working on my craft, I was directed to an acting coach, Bob Luke, who started working with me on monologues to be used for auditioning. After the first intro lesson, I asked him how much this was going to cost me, expecting the usual response of, “$25 and a handjob,” I was pleased when he offered me an alternative.

He was directing a production of “Fiddler on the Roof” at the Y and needed someone for tech work, which meant pulling ropes and dragging backdrops for the different scenes. In exchange for this indentured, unglorified slave labor, he would give me acting coaching for free. Not only would I save the money but I would also save the inevitable callousing of the hands. I agreed to the arrangement.

One of the final shows found me wearing striped pants, red Chuck Taylor sneakers and a Groucho nose and moustache as I walked gloomily with the others during the final “Exodus” scene, where the Jews are kicked out of their community and wander onward to lands unknown. I kept a straight face and thought I acted pretty well. When the cast met before the next show, I found out that most of them thought I acted pretty well, too—like a jackass.

 

My recent experience of “Exodus”:

Being the Organizer for the Meet-Up group called “Yoga Without Walls” [http://meetup.com/758] for about a year now has been riddled with a collection of positive experiences as well as a lot of frustration. After my last Day of Storytelling in Central Park, which involved going to hear a storyteller accompanied by music for an hour, followed by Master Blackwolf the Central Park magician share a medieval story for a half-hour with our group, followed by yours truly teaching a yoga class spattered with a collection of teaching stories from different traditions, I decided I had reached my saturation point of being disrespected.

Only one person, Georgio, had RSVP’d that he was going to be in attendance. I was going to cancel the event when the girl who had originally told me about the storyteller in Central Park and was the one who suggested it as an activity for the group, said she would also be coming. She had been to a few of my classes before and I had met her one night in Central Park when she was having a sort of breakdown that she implied was somehow related to yoga. Despite the small group, I figured with my friend, Toad, it would be four of us and screw it.

Georgio never showed up at the meeting place. And then there were three, with just the one girl and my friend and me. After the storyteller and Master Blackwolf, I told the two girls that we would go nearby to find a place to play some yoga. That is when the other girl said, “I made plans and I’m going to pass on the yoga.” For her benefit, I shared one teaching story with them and then she went on her way. And then there was two and Toad and I played with ourselves, in a non-masturbatory way, that is.

It was only later that I realized that the other girl had no intention of ever taking the yoga class. I had scheduled the yoga class until 2:00 p.m. and it was only 1:00 p.m. by the time Master Blackwolf had put the last one of us to sleep with his tales of yesteryear. Her decision seemed to be based on the same pattern that most use in their decision-making, starting from the premise that nothing and no one exists in the world other than herself.

I wrote her an email to let her know that I didn’t appreciate her actions. She wrote me a response, acknowledging her lack of consideration for me or my plans and asking for my forgiveness. I told her there was nothing to forgive—if anything, she had helped clarify for me the need to establish clear boundaries defining just how much bullshit I would accept from others, for which I was thankful.

As a result of the Day of Storytelling Diss, I wrote the following email to the members of “Yoga Without Walls”:

 

Hello Yogis. “Hello Newman.”

There are almost 200 members of “Yoga Without Walls.” That would almost be something to hopscotch about but about 180 of you I have never heard from and only about 10-15 ever RSVP. I sent out a group email asking you guys for the best times for you to play yoga, any topics of interest, and only a few people responded. I have also been offering a lot of yoga by donation and I have gotten up to 15 “Yes” rsvp’s that end up converting to one person showing up, which has also left me waiting in the rain for people who said they were coming (who I gave my cel number to in case they had problems) for more minutes than I’d care to or staying around the city when I would have amscrayed for the weekend.

I don’t want Meet-Up or this group to become a headache for you, but I also demand a little respect and unfortunately the old adage has come up to bite me in the ass: Something not involving raping one’s wallet generally does not get much value placed on it. Yes, I know, “But my friend called me and wanted to do lunch.” That’s well and good but when you blow off what you RSVP’d for without a word, it not only disrespects me and shows the little value you place on the group, it also disrespects yourself and shows the little value you place on your word.

AS A RESULT, I WILL PROBABLY BE OFFERING LESS “BY DONATION” GIGS AND MORE “PAY UP” GIGS. I WILL ALSO BE MAKING THE RSVP CUT-OFF EARLIER THAN THE NIGHT BEFORE THE EVENT AND WILL PROBABLY CANCEL THE EVENT IF LESS THAN FIVE PEOPLE HAVE RSVP’d. I WILL ALSO CONSIDER REMOVING PEOPLE FROM THE GROUP WHO DON’T RSVP FOR THREE CONSECUTIVE EVENTS.

People often ask me, “Is your group okay for beginners?” by which I assume they mean someone with little experience with yoga. I am more than open for that. But I am looking for Navy SEALS, not 18-year olds who think it’s cool to kill someone. The warrior spirit I seek is someone who takes their honor, their journey and their consciousness seriously–but not themselves. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what their downward dog looks like.

If you feel that clicking to the page with the 1000 Meet-Up groups you joined that you never go to and RSVP’ing is too much for your peace of mind, by all means drop out of this group. Read my un-blog at http://rebelyogi.com if you want to do some armchair yoga. For all of you who just joined the group or for the two people who consistently RSVP, my apologies that you had to read through this. I’m also sorry it’s come to the point where I had to write this.

Om,

Swami X

 

I didn’t think this email to be controversial. It basically says people RSVP and don’t show up and it causes me to waste a lot of my time and energy and I don’t want to do that anymore—and won’t—and need people to take their words more seriously. What resulted was The Great Exodus of 14 people from the group. That alone would have been fine, as almost all of them that decided to leave the group had never shown up to a single event and most of whom never had RSVP’d. What I didn’t expect was all the whining and bitching and lectures on what yoga is and how I fell short.

One woman wrote in her exit comment, “I am very saddened.” I wrote her back telling her that I didn’t want her saddened but was a little confused why she would be, as she had never showed up or RSVP’d for a single event in the entire existence of the group. I also shared with her the name of another yoga group where the teacher is a pussy and would never raise his voice above a quiet, “inhale through your nose” (I’m busting balls, I like him.)

Another woman, Elena, wrote that she had no respect for me. I wrote her back that I didn’t mean to show her any disrespect that, funny enough, that was exactly what I was reacting to from the group. I also shared with her the pussy yoga teacher’s group, telling her that I hoped she could continue her yoga and Meet-Up experience in a positive light and wished that she didn’t hold onto any anger.

She wrote me back and told me that she never had any anger and that she is a yogi and yogis are peaceful and calm. I probably should have left it at that, allowing her to live in her delusional world of make-believe…but I didn’t.

I wrote her back that in my five years of teaching and coming across thousands of so-called “yogis,” that while most of them seem pretty calm when they wake up from savasana (“corpse pose”), the moment something outside the dream-state of the studio doesn’t flow smoothly they seem to be just as much pricks as anyone else. Only unlike most who acknowledge their anger with a raised voice, these so-called “yogis” keep their voices quiet, while on the inside they are a bubbling cauldron of rage. They are passive-aggressive pussies and Elena was no exception.

I became aware by something Elena said that she had sent a message to the “Yoga Without Walls” group. As a full-fledged pussy, she had hit “Respond To All” but had then taken my name off of the list, so I could not be privy to her attempt to burn the village in her exit.

So 14 people were part of The Great Exodus. I had no hard feelings. Most probably were acknowledging that they would never RSVP and were actually honoring my demand for respect by leaving. There was only a couple that left who had actually taken class with me. One had taken multiple classes with me and even came to the studio where I was teaching, paying a lot more than the “by donation” that I have been teaching for in the park. I have a feeling he left because he knew he was not going to be RSVP’ing, but it would have been nice to hear a personal note from him.

The one that confused me was Helen, who had taken her first class with me only a few weeks back and voiced what a good experience she had had. She disappeared without a word as well. I wrote her an email telling her that I was surprised to see her leave the group, that as far as I knew she had a really good time at her first class.

When rereading the email I sent out, I thought to myself, “What are these people retarded?” I wouldn’t have changed a word. I respect those who left knowing that they couldn’t honor what I needed from the members of the group. There were only two people who I saw that voiced their discontent. As one member wrote:

“Hey – if you guys are going to have a flame war, can you do it off of this list?”

The comment that I think says it all was:

I agree.  All these nasty responses are unnecessary.  If you’ve taken Swami X’s classes you’d know that he is a very easygoing man with a true dedication to yoga — and a human being who is frustrated by disrespect.  I don’t understand why you all have the energy to respond now, but have never bothered to acknowledge his meetup notices.  He has asked very gently in the past to rsvp.  Just opt out of the group and stop with the indignant replies.

While sometimes I think about being done with teaching, as I often near my saturation point with the passive-aggressive pussies masquerading as “yogis,” it is the spark in the eye of someone reflecting on a thought that I have shared with them or the discovery of a new awareness about how they express a pose that keeps me staying on.

And when I think that the passive-aggressive pussies have completely taken over yoga, there are the occasional comments that make me think that a few are ready to think deeper than the surface, as this comment suggests:

“I think you missed the point of yoga with your attitude and suggest you re read its philosophy.”

Funny, I took his or her comment as a response to the negativity involved in the flame-throwers, especially since sequentially it came right after some torching, but just now realized that I am not sure whether it was addressed towards them…or me. If it’s for the naysayers—you the man! If it’s towards me—unlike what the yoga posers are teaching, being a yogi doesn’t mean you have no personality or “attitude.” Most people are caught up in “philosophy” and miss that life is not philosophy.

What many of these people don’t realize is the yoga that I am teaching has little to do with whether your downward dog is worthy of the cover of Yoga Journal or not or whether you can memorize what ahimsa means and recite it like a good parrot whenever you are called upon. Certain postures in yoga pose more difficulty for an individual student than other postures may pose. The student can avoid the difficult postures at all cost and as long as she takes classes where the sequence only contains her “good” poses, she will be loving yoga…and life. But what if she takes a class that includes the poses she has difficulties with or, God Forbid, contains only those poses? Rather than looking at herself, the yoga poser chooses to take the easy route and dismiss either the teacher or yoga itself.

The teachings I share have to do with finding the yoga in the difficult times in life, not just in the classroom, and to figure out how to find your peace in these turbulent times and to bring yourself back to balance when you fall out of it. There were tremendous yogic lessons in the email that I sent out, about how we are all one and when you disrespect another you are really disrespecting yourself and how by honoring yourself and your own word, you spread this conscious awareness wherever you walk, without the need for condescending lectures. But most are not ready to read this. They either see yoga as a low-impact aerobics class or the philosophy as some stale ideal that doesn’t apply to how they relate to themselves and society but only the fantasies that finds their sheets wet in the morning. Instead they choose the easy way out and dismiss the teacher. And then they have the arrogance to claim that they know yoga. Sista please!

In my fifteen years of teaching professionally, the last five or so of which have included yoga, I have received many emails like the one I received yesterday:

“[I] really value your friendship…Honestly, your words have help[ed] me find my spirituality…I want to say THANK YOU, i am grateful to your guidance that has helped me change my life for a positive and happier direction.”

Somehow this makes me feel I have served better than if she had sent me an email saying:

“I really value my classroom yoga…You have helped me find my alignment and change my butt in downward dog to a higher and happier position.”

If touching a few people deeply can only result accompanied by the periodic clearings through a Great Exodus, then so be it. If I can go to bed each night knowing that I have stayed true to my authenticity, have honored to the best of my ability the principles of yoga and have even touched even just one life for the better, then my sleep will be peaceful and I have no need to apologize to anyone.

 

REFLECTION:

How often do you judge someone based on how they inevitably fall short of how you think they “should” be acting? Do you hear their voice speaking, or the voice of past people that have said similar things and so therefore, “I know what they mean by that!” Have you ever given them the benefit of the doubt and even spoken or written to them directly? Or have you just gone to the “boss,” or the “manager” or the newspapers and never dealt directly with the person responsible for the behavior in question? Unless you have inquired directly to the other, the behavior is always “in question,” despite you thinking you are all-knowing.

MEDITATION:

Imagine being in a restaurant where you take your waiter’s lack of response as being aloof and rude. Imagine instead of taking the easy route of complaining to the manager, you talk directly to the waiter. “Hi, I know you’re busy but I wanted to ask you something. You haven’t responded to several of my questions today and from my perspective it is reading as if you are somehow irritated with me. Is this the case?” Imagine the waiter, almost as if snapping out of a haze responding, “Oh, I’m very sorry. My girlfriend broke up with me last night and I thought I could come to work and do the bang-up job I usually do but obviously I was mistaken. Tell me again what questions you had and I’ll try to serve you better for the rest of your meal.” Do you feel any differently about the waiter now than you did before, when you “knew” that he was intentionally being rude to you? Aren’t you glad you didn’t dismiss his individuality with your assumption?

Perhaps he would have answered you, “You know, you’ve been a pain in my ass since you’ve sat down in my section. Why don’t you just shut the hell up and eat your damn sandwich!” Then it might be appropriate to talk to the manager and leave a shitty tip. I would suggest that even in this case it is possible that there is more beneath the surface than rude words and treatment and that the dedicated yogi seeks union not just with the people—or postures—that she finds easy…but with the challenging ones as well.