For about two years I had written entrees on my un-blog, Enlightening Nonsense, so labeled because it contained items that were seriously consciousness-raising as well as others that were seriously irrelevant and was too irregular to be called a blog. At its zenith it contained over 700-pages, containing everything from poetry to pornography. Because it became infected by malware created by some douche that I hope gets a virus in his ass, the FDA (Federal Google Administration) issued a warning to anyone who went to my site:
WARNING: GOING TO THIS SITE MAY MAKE YOUR TESTICLES FALL OFF!
Needless to say, I lost all of my male readers who believe everything they read on the Internet and valued their personal glue factory more than they did my brilliant humor and insights. Strangely, my women readers also dropped me faster than it would take a pair of testicles to travel from groin to ground, as if the warning had said:
WARNING: GOING TO THIS SITE WILL MAKE YOUR BREASTS FALL OFF FASTER THAN ANGELINA JOLIE CAN CUT OFF HER OWN CANCER-FREE ONES!
Soon I had zero readership and my postings became little more than literary masturbation.
I am resuming my un-blog because after not ejaculating my creative juices for so long I feel a terrible case of blue balls. So open your minds and be ready to swallow down what I am spewing. At times it may taste like Clorox but I assure you, it is filled with nutrients to build your consciousness muscles and strengthen your funny bone.
For those new to Enlightening Nonsense here are a few helpful hints to help prevent you from killing yourself, like anyone who has taken one of Monsanto’s poisons for too long, or worse, killing me, like a Muslim after someone sneezes across the street upwind of him who feels that the Koran tucked into his bomb vest was desecrated and the only logical thing to do is to kill the infidel.
I am the bastard son of Eric Cartman of South Park fame and Jesus Christ of coming out of a virgin’s vagina fame. I am gross, disgusting, tasteless, and horrible—and yet if you look hard enough you can find some gems of wisdom at the bottom of the cesspool of filth and sewage.
Why should you go scuba diving in shit you ask? I don’t have the answer to that. I can only say that instead of the typical cut and paste kindergarten spirituality that is often pawned off as Truth, you will find a graduate level original voice, perhaps not fully grown out of his pubescent love for dick jokes. I will also say that I am a fine wine and most of your palates have been so bastardized by drinking saccharine spirituality that you couldn’t tell a Domaine de la Romanee-Conti 1997 from a 2013 Merlot…or a Buddha from a bastard.
I will be racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semitic, Catholic, Muslim, Asian, Hispanic, white, fat people, thin people, average bodied people, and anti- just about every other group or characteristic that people use to identify themselves. This is me playing the role of the sacred clown, making a mockery of these very ideas and people who actually believe them, the Westboro Baptist Church in example. Who We Are is not the color of our skin, our sex or the sex of the person with whom we find ourselves rubbing our genitals against, our religion, our bodies big or small, or even our thoughts and feelings. Okay, maybe I do hate Catholicism.
I will praise Jesus and at other times I will bash him. I will share my devoted love for the mystic Osho and other times will be his Judas. I will write as a horny, breastified, homophobic man in one piece and may—even in the same piece—talk about my sexual exploits at a gay bar. I will use words such as mellifluous in the same sentence with a word such as cocksucker. I will speak with cocky confidence in one place and vaginal insecurity in another. I will boast about my 14” penis in certain places and lament over being hung like a raisin elsewhere. I may speak as a Republican, a Democrat, an Independent, a non-violent, a terrorist, declare the need for rules, call for total anarchy, be a Buddha or a jackass. I am all of these. I am some of these. I am none of these. I am no-thing.
Half of what I write here is not true, half is totally true and the third half is true but filled with a pack of lies. It is up to you to determine which is which. I would advise you to look at the whole thing as bullshit. If you desire to know your Self, perhaps you will explore where such utter bullshit affects you, both negatively and positively, and explore how you came to the point of believing your beliefs and emotions to be the essence of you. I am guessing most of you have only come for a little entertainment while you hold onto your illusions of Who You Are with a death grip when only an open hand can grasp life.
The question is: Will you join the Rebel-ution? If your answer is yes, then be prepared to lose everything you held onto as Self that is, in fact, not. Only as a naked child can you enter the Kingdom of Heaven and that kingdom is not on a cloud somewhere in your imagination but right here and right now, only you will have to strip away the designer spirituality you have purchased from the chic God shops in order to enter it.
“The children of the kingdom enter it as children enter the world, stripped and naked.”
“Rebel yogi, Swami X, is back and better than before—which is not really saying much as he had pretty much set the bar on the ground.”
—Anonymous, not the hacker collective but a critical douche