High heels. You can’t live with them…you can’t live without them. Oh wait, that’s women. But seriously, when I’m tripping the night fantastic, have the perfect combination of coconut oil and semen keeping my hair standing at attention like in “Something About Mary” [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X9n42v-OUk] a nice pair of stiletto heels polishes my look to make me feel scrumptulicious!
We know why men wear high heels—UH, GAY—and what better way to say, “I’m queer, I’m here, check out my shoes!” than with 8″ spiked stilettos.
But why do women wear high heels? When a woman wears high heels she is essentially walking on her toes, which hyperflexes the calf muscles so that the leg looks more defined. If you have “Snackwell” legs, i.e. fat-free, the muscles of the legs will contract and the desired result will occur. If you have “Halvah” legs, i.e. 66.66 grams of fat in a single bar and tastes like sawdust, you are so conditioned by society and your insecurities that you are putting up with the bullshit without getting the benefit of the burger.
I am not saying that when I see a nice long pair of legs walking by wearing a pair of high heels I don’t think, “Oh, I wonder if that comes in a 12!” But think about it, if you saw a guy walking around flexing his biceps non-stop, you would think either he had such a huge ego or that he was mentally deranged. Either way you would find him ridiculous. But a woman will do this very thing and think it “fashionable,” all the while potentially causing herself serious imbalances in her musculoskeletal system. And it is fashionable, which is a sad statement on our culture.
Our culture would sell gag sticks to an anorexic if it would support an industry. It would sell testicular prosthetic implants (synthetic balls) to dogs that have been neutered [http://www.neuticles.com] (why not a doggie vasectomy instead—limit the reproducing and save the balls? Oh wait, that would limit later sales as well!) It would even sell tuxedos to penguins if it weren’t too busy selling them a raw deal with pesticides and DDT from our rampant dumping of poisons into the environment. [http://antarcticsun.usap.gov/science/contenthandler.cfm?id=1436]
So I propose weighted gloves for guys to wear that will result in their biceps being flexed every time they raise their arms. Stupid? Moronic? Idiotic? Of course it is! But no less retarded than high heel shoes. And the crazy thing about it—they’d probably sell!
…sometimes the art needs just the right frame…
I don’t disagree that a “frame” can seemingly enhance the “art.” But if the frame is placed there because the artist is ashamed of how her creation displays on its own, that is not a healthy creation. If the frame is actually damaging the artwork and might eventually result in the complete destruction of the piece–or the artist–this should also be looked at and questioned.
…reality tunnels are a bitch..:)
Weighted gloves aren’t the masculine equivalent to high heels. Evidence of deep pockets are.
Women display their bodies to find a mate. Men use money and power. those who have less imitate those that have lots.
(Generally. Individuals differ.)
I guess I will add to my inventory a design for pants with pockets that run the full length of the pant leg! I’ll call them the “Gold-Digger Magnets” known on the street as “All Women Are Shallow Whores.”
Make sure there is PLENTY of room in the crotch for the giant dicks.